Naw it's amazing, I'm amazing. Long story short Mr. Universe a.k.a. Kanye West will be the NBA Playoffs, not really but his song "Amazing" will be the featured theme for the duration of the NBA Playoffs. Nothing says excitement like warbling auto-tuned vocals, this won't get old fast...AMAZING!!!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Saturday, January 31, 2009
The Horror, I mean the Wing Bowl
For those of you that are unaware the city of Philadelphia host an annual wing eating competition in lieu of other crowning achievements in sport. Those achievements include Stanley Cups, until last year a World Series (nice riot by the way Philly), and what's that big game the Eagles will never win again? Oh yeah the Super Bowl, the reason why morons camp out in the middle of the night, during the dead of winter to wait for a wing eating competition, that starts at 6 in the morning. Yeah that's right before the day begins people are tailgating to watch people eat wings. But how can i forget the eye-candy, or should I say skanks? The Wing Bowl offers a wide variety there's Momma skank, Country Skank, School Teacher Skank (this one is a real winner by the way, attention whore teaching children, just great I know.), and who could forget Stripper Skank?
The real festivities are grotesque to watch believe me, I tried to watch some video of it. Yet somehow it cries out for attention, much like the above mentioned whores. It's sad realizing that we are a society that "just can't look away from a train wreck", so there I sat watching video after video depicting acts of gluttony. I mean this shit is unbelievable to watch, for starters some guy eats the entire fucking McDonald's Dollar Menu in 5 minutes 30 seconds to qualify for this shit. Unfortunately all these qualifying videos are from the previous Wing Bowl, but I can assume you get the picture. With guys like Dave the Dumpster (he ate 610 mini marshmallows in under 5 minutes btw.) securing Philly's reputation as one of the fattest cities I assure you this is no event you want to be a participant of. The real shocker is that he didn't go into a diabetic shock and end up with adult onset diabetes. Once again that whole train wreck thing comes into play, and strangely enough I could not stop watching this whale of a man eat, nor this man. Frankly I'm disgusted, and never for the life of me will I be able to understand how in the world people can subject themselves to this. Enjoy the World Series title, because from where I stand there just hasn't been much to celebrate Philly.
For a full video review of the Wing Bowl go here and here.
The real festivities are grotesque to watch believe me, I tried to watch some video of it. Yet somehow it cries out for attention, much like the above mentioned whores. It's sad realizing that we are a society that "just can't look away from a train wreck", so there I sat watching video after video depicting acts of gluttony. I mean this shit is unbelievable to watch, for starters some guy eats the entire fucking McDonald's Dollar Menu in 5 minutes 30 seconds to qualify for this shit. Unfortunately all these qualifying videos are from the previous Wing Bowl, but I can assume you get the picture. With guys like Dave the Dumpster (he ate 610 mini marshmallows in under 5 minutes btw.) securing Philly's reputation as one of the fattest cities I assure you this is no event you want to be a participant of. The real shocker is that he didn't go into a diabetic shock and end up with adult onset diabetes. Once again that whole train wreck thing comes into play, and strangely enough I could not stop watching this whale of a man eat, nor this man. Frankly I'm disgusted, and never for the life of me will I be able to understand how in the world people can subject themselves to this. Enjoy the World Series title, because from where I stand there just hasn't been much to celebrate Philly.
For a full video review of the Wing Bowl go here and here.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Trenton Titsworth, You Have Just Applied Mascara To The Black Eye Of Boxing
I am a huge boxing nut, I have no clue if it is because MMA is about as entertaining to me as watching two drunk friends roll around on the floor grappling. The only difference to me is my friends don't drink Muscle Milk, wear affliction/Tap Out gear, and don't listen to bands with singular names such as Trapt, Disturbed, KoRn (I just wish there was a way to make the "r" backwards, but such is life)- this is just to name a few differences. However my argument of MMA being the grandest display of homo-eroticism among the amped up macho super race of frat boys took a bit of a hit recently. During a recent HBO boxing after dark bout Trenton "I just wanna love you" Titsworth decided to lay one on Jesse Vargas on the left side of his neck, this did not get met with the loving tenderness I can only assume he was hoping to have reciprocated. Jim Lampley at the 1:35 mark begins the barrage of awesome commentary, enjoy!
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
I'm Blue If I We're Green I Would Die....
...or simply run the severe risk of ending up brain dead. What's that you ask? The St. Louis Rams, the only team my beloved Kansas City Chiefs could beat, are going with Trent "I've fallen but I can't get up" Green. NFL fans are in for a treat this weekend, we might just witness the first in game death. I love Trent for all the memories in Kansas City, but it's way past time to hang it up. Personally if I had my brain scrambled, and then re fried the next year, I'd be more inclined to hang it up, but then again I am not a professional football player. Stay tuned kids, we just may be in for a real barn burner, or a really horrific head injury.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
ULTIMATE FAIL
The brain trust of the NBA OKC not only delayed announcing a team name everybody knew was going to be the name. They created a fairly minor league logo, that doesn't even make me think of thunder at all. instead it is entirely lame and only invokes memories of state fairs gone by, ho hum i suppose. See what I mean? All I know is they better put some extra time into the actual design of the uniform or this team is destined to be a laughing stock for sure. To purchase Thunder gear before the official announcment go here, that's right the NBA undercut the Thunder and started selling gear before the big announcment.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Dread Head Please
I haven't bothered until now to check out the infamous freestyle that got Josh Jarboe kicked off the team. One it really wasn't a good freestyle, which makes it that much more painful. Two, you would think his buddy might consider Jarboe came here on thin ice, perhaps I should not put this on the most looked at sight for videos, since we are talking about a highly touted recruit and all. Three what was he thinking mentioning guns and shooting people every 5 seconds? Hey not my problem people do dumb things like freestyle raps about shooting people and having a gun, or video tape crimes. Yadda, Yadda here's the video (white guy with backwards hat at the 45 second mark = priceless).
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
I maybe from OKC but I don't approve
Unlike most people, I actually wanted the Sonics to stay in Seattle. See we aren't all opportunistic money grubbing pigs like Shultz, um I mean Bennett. My rational is how can you get behind another NBA team after embracing a different franchise for 2 years? It just doesn't make sense to me, it should be harder for a city to sever loyalty to franchise one year removed.
With that out of the way some of these names are a complete disaster, and whichever one they choose out of the whole lot, it is destined to fail to get me behind this team. Your lucky awful names to make it from the scrap heap of consideration are Barons, Bison, Energy, Marshalls, Thunder and Wind.
1. Barons- Really Barons, this is a name that only makes me think of how fucking much it cost to drive to the game, since this city has such a shitty mass transit system, not to mention, the reality of, well we all know where I'm going there, you don't name the team after the elephant in the room.
2. Bison- Boring simply boring, I won't even lay into my whole doesn't end in "s" thing here, because it's not worth it. Why does the NBA allow teams to be named/re-named after animals all the time, what happened to the good old days of creative naming.
3. Energy- This popular pick was spurred by local morons writing into the paper. Reasoning behind this name, at the Hornets games the fans provided a lot of energy for the players. Lame, lame, lame, lame, besides there already is an NBDL team named the Energy. That name certainly helps give fans across the country the feeling Oklahoma City is a big league city, anyway lets keep this thing going.
4. Marshalls- Why this thing is trademarked with two "l's" beats the hell out of me. This simply can't be the name of the team, because I don't need to hear stupid jokes about how Oklahoman's can't spell and that's why there are two "l's". Not to mention I've been to a Hornets game in OKC, they do some pretty lame stuff, like most NBA teams, and this name has the potential for lots of whip cracks, horse nays, and announcers yelling "Giddy up OKC, it's time for some Marshall law." That would be simply embarassing, thank god I'm a Bulls fan, not a Marshalls fan.
5. Wind- Yeah I skipped Thunder because I really wanted to adress this particular name first. This has no business ever, and I mean ever being considered for a professional sports team! As bad as it would be to be the Marshalls, the Wind? This better be for the WNBA team, although who cares about them? Anyway, what a joke, as you will see from a post i lifted of the Daily Oklahoman Jill in Oklahoma city writes "It's a fast break by the Wind! That name would be a disaster. We may have wind, but we don't need years of breaking wind jokes. Some other name, please, please, please!" Nice since of humor there Jill, I like it, however there is actually somebody that likes the name Wind Gary Royal 62 Oklahoma City "This is where the wind comes sweeping over the plains. Tornados, Twisters—it all encompasses wind. Wind will be our next big energy source. It's our future.” Wow I didn't know it was possible for a 62 year old man to like such a name fitting for a girls volleyball team, and it's actually "where the wind comes sweeping down the plains." I have to move on from this gem because I must direct my venom elsewhere.
6. Thunder- First off where the fuck is the "s"?! Who in their right mind would want to play for a team and say I'm proud to be a Wind or a Thunder. A part of me knew this was going to make it, it was originally reported as the name of the team, which was enough to make my friend leave his own apartment, and another to simply respond "what a joke" I simply can't stand this name. Living here my entire life, I knew this name was going to rise from the scrap heap of fecal compost of names hardly suited for minor league teams. Get use to seeing an intro staring this guy on youtube America, Gary England.
Just imagine him saying thunder not tornadoes. Way to go Oklahoma City you blew it nobody will ever be a big free agent grab in the town, cue up the AC/DC "Thunderstruck", pipe in the Thunder chants, and pass out the "Thunder Sticks", but you won't see me there, good luck you are going to need it.
Honorable mention non-trademarked names suggested by locals include
1. Challengers from Mercedes Wheeler reason being, "They need a name that has spirit and drive and says ‘go get ‘em.' They need a name that says ‘I'll give you a challenge, but I'm also up for a challenge." Ironically enough I went to a grade school and that was our name, and we were never that good, I'm going to assume you are a small child and I won't lay into you like Gary Royal, ye ole' Wind fan.
2. Heroes- This one is the funniest of the worst, I mean this one is such a junker Sanford and Son would be all over it. Reasoning behind this one, Terry Utley 37 of Norman- " I thought of Heroes because when I think of Oklahoma City, I think of people who stand up and do the right thing." How nobely lame, but there is more, Terry isn't done in a message board post like 5 down from the end of the story Terry drops you some more info as to why "Heroes", and a website. No I am not shitting you when I say it could make your day, I laughed pretty hard. Anyway Terry finishes with this post "Not much room here... if you have a chance, please check out www.okcheroes.com. The ideas are pretty good, not to mention the music. I know the name is not too "spicy" at first, but if you let it digest a while, I think you'll start to warm to it...", yes you'll start to warm to it, like a turd in a homeless man's pants trying to stay warm during the winter.
Honorable Mention good names people don't seem to care for, why? No clue
1. 1889ers/ 89ers- Historical tie, ends in "s", and has all the potential for a sweet throw back style uniform, however I believe the Texas Rangers own the rights to it from the farm team. A farm team name that doesn't sound minor league now were thinking, oh wait we let the short bus run the name game
2. Express- Since the NBA blocked Memphis from naming the team the Express since they play in the Fed Ex Forum, that left one last sweet non-animal name on the table, but I don't even think anybody considered that name. Nor where a practice site could begin construction before the move, a list of possible team names that weren't flat out awful, or even the people of Seattle. Have no fear guys this thing will fail as long as Clay is around, and if it leaves Oklahoma City, I won't be mad if you end up smiling at this failed attempt. Besides what's in a name anyway?
With that out of the way some of these names are a complete disaster, and whichever one they choose out of the whole lot, it is destined to fail to get me behind this team. Your lucky awful names to make it from the scrap heap of consideration are Barons, Bison, Energy, Marshalls, Thunder and Wind.
1. Barons- Really Barons, this is a name that only makes me think of how fucking much it cost to drive to the game, since this city has such a shitty mass transit system, not to mention, the reality of, well we all know where I'm going there, you don't name the team after the elephant in the room.
2. Bison- Boring simply boring, I won't even lay into my whole doesn't end in "s" thing here, because it's not worth it. Why does the NBA allow teams to be named/re-named after animals all the time, what happened to the good old days of creative naming.
3. Energy- This popular pick was spurred by local morons writing into the paper. Reasoning behind this name, at the Hornets games the fans provided a lot of energy for the players. Lame, lame, lame, lame, besides there already is an NBDL team named the Energy. That name certainly helps give fans across the country the feeling Oklahoma City is a big league city, anyway lets keep this thing going.
4. Marshalls- Why this thing is trademarked with two "l's" beats the hell out of me. This simply can't be the name of the team, because I don't need to hear stupid jokes about how Oklahoman's can't spell and that's why there are two "l's". Not to mention I've been to a Hornets game in OKC, they do some pretty lame stuff, like most NBA teams, and this name has the potential for lots of whip cracks, horse nays, and announcers yelling "Giddy up OKC, it's time for some Marshall law." That would be simply embarassing, thank god I'm a Bulls fan, not a Marshalls fan.
5. Wind- Yeah I skipped Thunder because I really wanted to adress this particular name first. This has no business ever, and I mean ever being considered for a professional sports team! As bad as it would be to be the Marshalls, the Wind? This better be for the WNBA team, although who cares about them? Anyway, what a joke, as you will see from a post i lifted of the Daily Oklahoman Jill in Oklahoma city writes "It's a fast break by the Wind! That name would be a disaster. We may have wind, but we don't need years of breaking wind jokes. Some other name, please, please, please!" Nice since of humor there Jill, I like it, however there is actually somebody that likes the name Wind Gary Royal 62 Oklahoma City "This is where the wind comes sweeping over the plains. Tornados, Twisters—it all encompasses wind. Wind will be our next big energy source. It's our future.” Wow I didn't know it was possible for a 62 year old man to like such a name fitting for a girls volleyball team, and it's actually "where the wind comes sweeping down the plains." I have to move on from this gem because I must direct my venom elsewhere.
6. Thunder- First off where the fuck is the "s"?! Who in their right mind would want to play for a team and say I'm proud to be a Wind or a Thunder. A part of me knew this was going to make it, it was originally reported as the name of the team, which was enough to make my friend leave his own apartment, and another to simply respond "what a joke" I simply can't stand this name. Living here my entire life, I knew this name was going to rise from the scrap heap of fecal compost of names hardly suited for minor league teams. Get use to seeing an intro staring this guy on youtube America, Gary England.
Just imagine him saying thunder not tornadoes. Way to go Oklahoma City you blew it nobody will ever be a big free agent grab in the town, cue up the AC/DC "Thunderstruck", pipe in the Thunder chants, and pass out the "Thunder Sticks", but you won't see me there, good luck you are going to need it.
Honorable mention non-trademarked names suggested by locals include
1. Challengers from Mercedes Wheeler reason being, "They need a name that has spirit and drive and says ‘go get ‘em.' They need a name that says ‘I'll give you a challenge, but I'm also up for a challenge." Ironically enough I went to a grade school and that was our name, and we were never that good, I'm going to assume you are a small child and I won't lay into you like Gary Royal, ye ole' Wind fan.
2. Heroes- This one is the funniest of the worst, I mean this one is such a junker Sanford and Son would be all over it. Reasoning behind this one, Terry Utley 37 of Norman- " I thought of Heroes because when I think of Oklahoma City, I think of people who stand up and do the right thing." How nobely lame, but there is more, Terry isn't done in a message board post like 5 down from the end of the story Terry drops you some more info as to why "Heroes", and a website. No I am not shitting you when I say it could make your day, I laughed pretty hard. Anyway Terry finishes with this post "Not much room here... if you have a chance, please check out www.okcheroes.com. The ideas are pretty good, not to mention the music. I know the name is not too "spicy" at first, but if you let it digest a while, I think you'll start to warm to it...", yes you'll start to warm to it, like a turd in a homeless man's pants trying to stay warm during the winter.
Honorable Mention good names people don't seem to care for, why? No clue
1. 1889ers/ 89ers- Historical tie, ends in "s", and has all the potential for a sweet throw back style uniform, however I believe the Texas Rangers own the rights to it from the farm team. A farm team name that doesn't sound minor league now were thinking, oh wait we let the short bus run the name game
2. Express- Since the NBA blocked Memphis from naming the team the Express since they play in the Fed Ex Forum, that left one last sweet non-animal name on the table, but I don't even think anybody considered that name. Nor where a practice site could begin construction before the move, a list of possible team names that weren't flat out awful, or even the people of Seattle. Have no fear guys this thing will fail as long as Clay is around, and if it leaves Oklahoma City, I won't be mad if you end up smiling at this failed attempt. Besides what's in a name anyway?
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